Half way there... really?

Hello dear reader,

It has been a while.

I've been feeling different recently. Yes, different is the word. The subtle but eye-opening realization that half of my college life is over has dawned upon me and I do not like it.

When I started college I'd hoped that at the end, I'd have varied experiences, an ocean of wisdom and lots of great advice to offer. I'm half way there, but I could not be farther from my expectations. In many ways, I'm still the same lost kid I was on the first day.

But yes, in small (but important) ways I think (and this is just my opinion) that I've grown. It is a rewarding experience, but to think that half of it is over is, in a word, disheartening.

Along the way I've met some wonderful people (you know who you are :)) and I think that the opportunity to chance upon such people, people who helped me become better, will diminish when these 4 years will be over and that is something I'm not happy about.

However, I am optimistic that life will surprise me as it often has.

So after all the mulling, I hope that there is still hope and the two years to come will be equally, if not more rewarding as the ones that have passed.

Shine on!

Growing up

Hello once again dear reader!
I've been gone for a long time, but I assure you it hasn't been for any reason other than laziness.

Over the past year (when I was busy not writing) I realized how fast life moves. In a moment, and this one just comes along, you realize that you've grown up. It might be a sudden realization, like turning 20 (like yours truly) or passing a certain milestone in life, or simply the weight of more responsibilities. There isn't a definitive yardstick for measuring this, but in your heart of hearts, you just know.

Now this whole concept, in my humble opinion, is subjective. I've used the word "realization" because growing up isn't something that your parents or friends or therapist can define for you. It's a feeling that comes from within.  Again, everyone has a different way of finding out that they've grown up and that's probably for the best.

Again, this isn't a bad thing. Not at all.

You realize that you have a greater appreciation of your life and its gifts and have found some people who rely on you and on whom you can rely. You somehow feel more empowered, more driven to follow your dreams and aspirations. You somehow feel the need to behave in a certain way, which in your opinion is the right one.

My opinions in this matter, I feel, are fairly limited given my age. Most (assuming there are any) readers might just dismiss these as the musings of a teenager who's just afraid to turn 20 and they might be right, but this is how I feel right now and that's why I'm writing.

This "grown up" life is of course filled with bursts of childish wants, those secret jokes you make with the people you care about and the occasional impulsive reaction. But this is all important. All necessary.

This is also accompanied by the subtle irony of liking things you hated, the silent judgement of those you deem "un-serious" and the occasional wish of being a kid again.

At this point I feel conflicted at the thought of growing up, but it's an idea that I am in love with right now. Knowing that everything has worked out. That everything has finally fallen into place.

So this is where I leave you.
Keep shining. Keep growing :)